When I finished here just a few minutes ago, I went over to read my emails. There was one from John that he'd sent just 2 minutes earlier concerning a daily business matter about the truck. So I emailed him right away hoping he will get it right away.
I basically just opened up with the line from that well known song - have I told you lately that I love you. Then went on to write a few, concise and true things I appreciate and enjoy about him.
I told him that I am so grateful that he is not constantly critical of me. I hesitated to tell him exactly why that came to me so strongly because I'm not sure it would be appropriate. For some reason last night, when Daniel was talking about his dad, I found myself asking myself if I wished things had worked out with Dale White; I mean we do have 2 children together. But there was not a moment of hesitation in my mind - the answer was a resounding NO. Life with him was so absolutely horrible - he never stopped criticizing even the smallest of things I did (one time he yelled at me because he came in and I was making the burritos wrong; I was to put on beans first, then cheese and then the other ingredients because that was the right way to do it). I tend toward heaviness of body; I'm definitely not the slender type even at my best and I'm overweight. Dale hated that. Dale cheated on me twice that I know of. I never felt attractive. Maybe he's changed; but then again, he always seemed like such a super nice guy if you weren't married to him and he still does seem super nice. Perhaps it was just that I was a failure as a wife to him and he will be happy with the gal he's engaged to now (it's kind of odd; they are engaged to be married "when the boys are out of school". Daniel was a freshman in high school and Dylan a sophomore last year when their dad became engaged). I can not express how happy I am to not live like that any more. One thing about John is that he really does not have a critical spirit toward me. He's not really a critical person in general and he's definitely not a controlling type; he's more likely to just walk away and disengage if he doesn't like something. Disengagement can be lonely but it's billions of times preferable to constant verbal abuse.
Anway, may the note hit him right. May he feel loved, good and cared about when he reads it. It's short because I think people typically don't want to read a lot. I ramble on here because it's my journal for me.
Showing posts with label Thoughtfulness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughtfulness. Show all posts
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Day 4 - Being Thoughtful
First off I'm not doing this exactly daily. It takes me more than a day to get these done - maybe I'm like relationally retarded/slow....
It also takes longer because John is gone 3 days of the week to go spend time with his grandkids and his brothers and he & some of their kids all ensure they each take a day with his mom so that she can stay in her own home.
But I am grateful that I'm doing better in the negative comments department.
The authors say:
"If you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship."
The authors also make the point that women typically need to learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another. They also talk about avoiding the pattern of "ready, shoot, aim" when speaking to your spouse when you're frustrated with him.
The challenge is to contact your spouse sometime during the business day and have no agenda other than to ask how he is doing and if there is anything you can do for him. One of the things I find frustrating with John is that I have no way to contact him; he refuses to get a cell. For close to a year I had one for him via my account but he would never answer it and didn't call me so I gave up on that and have refused to get him another. So how can I even contact him. He will sometimes do email so I guess I've got to go that route. Loses any immediacy because who knows when he'll read it....it can't be a how are you but it could be a just to bless him kind of thing. Then when he does get home I can be all about how are you. That's how I'll approach this.
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your patience with me. Help me become more loving and thoughtful toward John; help me see ways I can demonstrate love to him. Our anniversary is coming up in just 9 days; help me think of something(s) special I can do for John for that. Help me see something I can do for him each day to make his life a bit more pleasant. Oh Father, thank you for marriage and motherhood - opportunities to look past myself and work to get past my self centered attitude. Thank You for loving me as I am and help me to do that for others.
It also takes longer because John is gone 3 days of the week to go spend time with his grandkids and his brothers and he & some of their kids all ensure they each take a day with his mom so that she can stay in her own home.
But I am grateful that I'm doing better in the negative comments department.
The authors say:
"If you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship."
The authors also make the point that women typically need to learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another. They also talk about avoiding the pattern of "ready, shoot, aim" when speaking to your spouse when you're frustrated with him.
The challenge is to contact your spouse sometime during the business day and have no agenda other than to ask how he is doing and if there is anything you can do for him. One of the things I find frustrating with John is that I have no way to contact him; he refuses to get a cell. For close to a year I had one for him via my account but he would never answer it and didn't call me so I gave up on that and have refused to get him another. So how can I even contact him. He will sometimes do email so I guess I've got to go that route. Loses any immediacy because who knows when he'll read it....it can't be a how are you but it could be a just to bless him kind of thing. Then when he does get home I can be all about how are you. That's how I'll approach this.
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your patience with me. Help me become more loving and thoughtful toward John; help me see ways I can demonstrate love to him. Our anniversary is coming up in just 9 days; help me think of something(s) special I can do for John for that. Help me see something I can do for him each day to make his life a bit more pleasant. Oh Father, thank you for marriage and motherhood - opportunities to look past myself and work to get past my self centered attitude. Thank You for loving me as I am and help me to do that for others.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
