Now that I've read the next chapter, I'm glad I've moved on because it's dare is one I've been doing.
This chapter basically talks about the fact that as human beings we can't really love another person fully. I can honestly say that's true for me. I really appreciate the way the author's said this:
"how many times has your love failed to keep you from lying, from lusting, from overreacting, from thinking evil of this person you've vowed before God to love for the rest of your life? How many times has your love proven incapable of controlling your anger? How many times has your love motivated you to forgive or brought about a peaceable end to an ongoing argument?"
They also reminded me of the fact that Ephesians 3:20 tells me that "He is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us".
I'm encouraged to pray more for my marriage and specifically to pray more for God to love John through me.
Oh heavenly Father, thank You for Your great love for me. Thank You that You choose to love me, because I recognize that I am undeserving. May You love John through me. Help me to desire that more, to not be, or become, apathetic with regard to my marriage. Help me always be reaching out to You for Your power to let You love John through me. Thank You that You desire good things for me, for John and for our marriage. Thank You so much Father.
Friday, January 29, 2010
A success - but not in the way intended
I failed to come up with questions prior to going out to lunch with John and that, coupled with the fact that we went to John's favorite restaurant - wood grill buffet, made it so I really didn't get to know more about him. He was up and down quite a bit at the buffet.
But we had fun and went to a him-movie afterward and held hands during it. I made sure to utilize prior lessons and talk about things that were his topics of interest. I made sure to make time later for intimacy.
So it was a good time and I just need to keep in mind the challenge for another time during the next couple of weeks.
But I don't think I should let that keep me from going on to the next chapter. While I don't feel the need to do these challenges daily, I do want to pick back up my pace to be doing two per week. I think that's enough focus, while still be realistic about life, for me to do to help our marriage.
But we had fun and went to a him-movie afterward and held hands during it. I made sure to utilize prior lessons and talk about things that were his topics of interest. I made sure to make time later for intimacy.
So it was a good time and I just need to keep in mind the challenge for another time during the next couple of weeks.
But I don't think I should let that keep me from going on to the next chapter. While I don't feel the need to do these challenges daily, I do want to pick back up my pace to be doing two per week. I think that's enough focus, while still be realistic about life, for me to do to help our marriage.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Day 18 - Committing to grow in understanding John
Like everyone else, I want to be understood.
The authors put a different slant on understanding; they talk about knowledge bringing understanding. The more I learn about John, the more I'll understand him.
The authors talk about how, when you were dating, you wanted to learn everything you could about your spouse. But frequently, after marriage, when you realize the yucky stuff about him, that desire diminishes. I see that as true about me.
The challenge is to make a dinner for John & I and during that time just focus on getting to know him better. Instead of making a dinner, I've asked John out. I'm going to try to be in the mindset I was when we were dating and trying to get to know him better. I appreciate the truth that the authors point out; that sometimes I can feel like I already know John, but there's always more to learn about a person. The more I learn about him, the more my understanding is increased, the more I understand the less likely I am to be irritated by some things due to my lack of understanding.
So I'm going to spend some time today thinking & praying about things I can ask John over our meal together.
The authors put a different slant on understanding; they talk about knowledge bringing understanding. The more I learn about John, the more I'll understand him.
The authors talk about how, when you were dating, you wanted to learn everything you could about your spouse. But frequently, after marriage, when you realize the yucky stuff about him, that desire diminishes. I see that as true about me.
The challenge is to make a dinner for John & I and during that time just focus on getting to know him better. Instead of making a dinner, I've asked John out. I'm going to try to be in the mindset I was when we were dating and trying to get to know him better. I appreciate the truth that the authors point out; that sometimes I can feel like I already know John, but there's always more to learn about a person. The more I learn about him, the more my understanding is increased, the more I understand the less likely I am to be irritated by some things due to my lack of understanding.
So I'm going to spend some time today thinking & praying about things I can ask John over our meal together.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sometimes I don't even like me!
Gee just 4 days ago I was here reading and thinking about making our relationship safe and being a safe person and then last night, as I was praying and reflecting on the day, I recognized that I had been critical a few times toward John during the day. While sometimes it's great to shed a different view on a situation or activity with the goal of being helpful to my husband; being critical is not helpful. It's hurtful.
I'm glad that John is forgiving toward me.
I'm glad that by God's power in me I can change and be more uplifting.
I'm glad that John is forgiving toward me.
I'm glad that by God's power in me I can change and be more uplifting.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Day 17 - Creating a safe environment
The author's make the point that marriage should be a safe place.
In marriage you know one another's secrets, you deal with one another's baggage, you share a home and are known down to the most intimate detail. This can either be a wonderful experience of being fully known and fully loved, or a dreadful experience of being constantly criticized and feeling unsafe. The authors make a point about what happens if your behavior makes your spouse feel scared:
"If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else. Perhaps you might look to another person, initiating a relationship that either flirts with adultery or actually enters in. You may look for comfort in work or in outside hobbies, something that perpetually shields you from intimacy but also keeps you around people who respect and accept you."
The dare today is to determine to guard my husband's secrets and pray for him. To resolve in my heart to love him in spite of his issues. To listen to him when he shares personal thoughts and struggles.
Oh Father, I thank You for Your great patience with me. I choose today to accept John as he is and not try to change him, or being short tempered with him. May he be important to me and I listen to him without interjecting. May I allow him to share and have an open attitude. I need You Father; I can't do this on my own. Thank You Lord.
In marriage you know one another's secrets, you deal with one another's baggage, you share a home and are known down to the most intimate detail. This can either be a wonderful experience of being fully known and fully loved, or a dreadful experience of being constantly criticized and feeling unsafe. The authors make a point about what happens if your behavior makes your spouse feel scared:
"If home is not considered a place of safety, you will both be tempted to seek it somewhere else. Perhaps you might look to another person, initiating a relationship that either flirts with adultery or actually enters in. You may look for comfort in work or in outside hobbies, something that perpetually shields you from intimacy but also keeps you around people who respect and accept you."
The dare today is to determine to guard my husband's secrets and pray for him. To resolve in my heart to love him in spite of his issues. To listen to him when he shares personal thoughts and struggles.
Oh Father, I thank You for Your great patience with me. I choose today to accept John as he is and not try to change him, or being short tempered with him. May he be important to me and I listen to him without interjecting. May I allow him to share and have an open attitude. I need You Father; I can't do this on my own. Thank You Lord.
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