Since John is due back tomorrow evening I figure I'd better get my mind going for the next challenge.
So, I'm to continue to be patient via not saying negative things to or about John. Plus be kind; specifically do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
The authors make a good point:
"Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing"
They then go on to break kindness down into these basic core ingredients: Gentleness, Helpfulness, Willingness, Initiative.
Another point the authors made that I found important was when they were saying that time may change your feelings from those the day you wed but even though time can
"take the edge off that desire, your enjoyment in marriage is still linked to the daily level of kindness expressed."
They also say:
"It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness."
Oh Father, help me look for opportunities to express kindness to both John and the kids. Empower me to reach beyond my feelings and selfishness and see ways I can create blessings for them. Thank you for the gifts of a husband and sons.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Another thing regarding day 1
Besides, by God's power guarding what I say to my husband, I am convicted to guard what I say about him. I am ashamed to admit that I have grumbled about him to the boys; things he does around the house kind of things. But that is wrong and must stop. I accept God's forgiveness and will go forth, by His power, a different way.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Journal regarding day 1
First off I messed up once; started being negative before I realized it.
It was when I noticed before noon that John was drinking wine. I'd bought 2 bottles for the Father's day party on Saturday and, aside from Eeva having a small cup, I think John gobbled up both bottles. I feel that he drinks way too much. But I am not his mother, he is an adult, he is a Christian (so the Holy Spirit can guide him), nagging never helps anyone. I started to make comments but stopped after one small one. I wish I'd made none but am grateful for the dare so I didn't fall into going on and on about it.
After that I was on my guard.
It was a good thing too because I noticed John out in his car packing stuff and asked if he was planning a trip to Yosemite any time soon. Turns out he planned to leave Monday AM and be gone for 10 days. Hadn't bothered to tell me about it. I bit my tongue and went and did stuff so he couldn't see how frustrated I am. Sometimes I wonder why he married me. Sometimes it feels like he just wants to get the good stuff from marriage but not give anything or be anything other than footloose and fancy free.
I recognize that everyone just wants the good stuff; once I once heard someone compare marriage to 2 ticks on a dog. I know that's true. Perhaps I'm just a really fat tick too. It just feels like I give so much more in this marriage and like John is such a taker. Actually it seems like in general in life John is a taker with everyone and every where except for his children where it seems that they are takers. Oh well, when judgment day comes I won't stand before God and give account for John, I will give account for me.
My whole purpose in doing the love dare was to work on what I can - me.
In the day 1 reading the authors made a point I've been thinking about. They said:
"Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don't get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often and emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives"
I am angry in my relationship with John. I think that this has my own selfishness at the root. God should be my source, not John. That way when John is human I don't have to be so upset because my needs are not getting met.
Oh Heavenly Father, I'm sorry for being such an angry person/wife. Please heal me. Please help me submit to You and not be so selfish. Please help me bring my needs to You and wait on You. Thank You for Your healing work and power. Thank You that You are blessing me and my marriage.
Since John will be gone for the next maybe 10 days or so (he never commits to times and will not pay for and use a cell phone), I most likely will wait on these specific days until he returns. I'll read day 2 and then wait on the rest until he returns (unless I see that it will work via distance).
It was when I noticed before noon that John was drinking wine. I'd bought 2 bottles for the Father's day party on Saturday and, aside from Eeva having a small cup, I think John gobbled up both bottles. I feel that he drinks way too much. But I am not his mother, he is an adult, he is a Christian (so the Holy Spirit can guide him), nagging never helps anyone. I started to make comments but stopped after one small one. I wish I'd made none but am grateful for the dare so I didn't fall into going on and on about it.
After that I was on my guard.
It was a good thing too because I noticed John out in his car packing stuff and asked if he was planning a trip to Yosemite any time soon. Turns out he planned to leave Monday AM and be gone for 10 days. Hadn't bothered to tell me about it. I bit my tongue and went and did stuff so he couldn't see how frustrated I am. Sometimes I wonder why he married me. Sometimes it feels like he just wants to get the good stuff from marriage but not give anything or be anything other than footloose and fancy free.
I recognize that everyone just wants the good stuff; once I once heard someone compare marriage to 2 ticks on a dog. I know that's true. Perhaps I'm just a really fat tick too. It just feels like I give so much more in this marriage and like John is such a taker. Actually it seems like in general in life John is a taker with everyone and every where except for his children where it seems that they are takers. Oh well, when judgment day comes I won't stand before God and give account for John, I will give account for me.
My whole purpose in doing the love dare was to work on what I can - me.
In the day 1 reading the authors made a point I've been thinking about. They said:
"Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don't get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often and emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives"
I am angry in my relationship with John. I think that this has my own selfishness at the root. God should be my source, not John. That way when John is human I don't have to be so upset because my needs are not getting met.
Oh Heavenly Father, I'm sorry for being such an angry person/wife. Please heal me. Please help me submit to You and not be so selfish. Please help me bring my needs to You and wait on You. Thank You for Your healing work and power. Thank You that You are blessing me and my marriage.
Since John will be gone for the next maybe 10 days or so (he never commits to times and will not pay for and use a cell phone), I most likely will wait on these specific days until he returns. I'll read day 2 and then wait on the rest until he returns (unless I see that it will work via distance).
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Day 1 - Patience
Day 1 focuses on Patience. The main theme being what is love unless you are patient and let your spouse be human.
Today's dare is to demonstrate patience by not saying anything negative to your spouse for the entire day!
I resolve to do this and will share later tonight or tomorrow how it goes.
Today's dare is to demonstrate patience by not saying anything negative to your spouse for the entire day!
I resolve to do this and will share later tonight or tomorrow how it goes.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Introduction
As I read the introduction to this book two things struck me:
1. The emphasis on leading my heart contrasted to the popular cultural idea of following my heart.
2. The fact that I must commit to do the things in this journal, giving it my all, regardless of what I see.
1. The emphasis on leading my heart contrasted to the popular cultural idea of following my heart.
2. The fact that I must commit to do the things in this journal, giving it my all, regardless of what I see.
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